Papas Fritas y Tomates

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.” - Edwin Elliot

Don’t change for the expectations of the people or the world because they are always changing, always inconsistent. Instead change for the one who is unchanging and forever yours. 

Yuhki Kuramoto - Romance 

“A generous person will prosper;
    whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

 

나윤권 - 미행

lovin the beat 

Dang I wonder how it’d feel to have qt’s everyday at the beach… prob make everything you read so much more deeper and expansive and spiritual haha

So throughout my life and especially in college, I’ve come to understand that I enjoy being open and vulnerable because it allows for a far more intimate and deeper relationship allowing us to see the real and genuine person, the one who is struggling in the same light, and imperfect as we all are. Therefore there is courage and strength and even wisdom found in vulnerability. But lately I’ve come to realize that as much as I love sharing when I am truly struggling, when I am truly down, I become a crafty artist, covering up my struggling persona with a persona of happiness and joy. This was further proven when I met up with a friend and we were talking about his struggles, what he was worried about, and as we shared he brought up the fact that I always seem happy, always seem so confident, and positive. Haha I had to tell him that it was far from the truth and that I do indeed fall often. It was funny because even then as I was talking to him and being supportive, on the inside, I was being eaten away, consumed by my struggles.

So as I have been struggling, I’ve noticed that I can participate in every activity, laugh as everyone else, make my usual jokes, and have good conversations without difficulty yet at the same time be so distant. It is an interesting feeling because only when I am alone do I find relief and comfort but that brief relief and comfort is only met with an undeniable attention to the heart that seems to be lost in its search for answers. And so only in those few moments when my struggles are forgotten do I actually find peace but those moments go by as soon as they come. I have been praying about my struggles but it seems God desires more than just the prayers, He desires the whole, the complete self and that is a struggle in itself. It is a struggle to let go of our struggles because as weird as it sounds, I feel that we have a tendency to dwell in it and question its purpose.

But crazy enough God, through my struggles, have been pouring just an abundant amount of insight into my actual struggles and breaking it down for me to discern and understand. And there was one point in time where I was even angry at God, I was angry even after realizing His greater purpose because I believed He could’ve taken the roots of my struggles and allowed it to grow in a completely different way. But then I realized that maybe I haven’t really figured out His greater purpose, maybe not even a fraction of it, in fact I probably have absolutely no clue what He is about to do next. But this verse here brought me back to perspective.

”Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.” - Rev 22:1 

It was a very peaceful verse and reminded me that life only comes from God, everything from Him is life, even from our struggles He brings life. And there is so much symbolism of His provision in this verse as we encounter the tree of life and a tree that is able to heal not just physically but in every aspect of our lives including the very struggles of our hearts. But as you can see, these trees only grow because of the river that feeds it therefore unless we are drinking from the water of life we will find it difficult to experience His provision. This verse was a good reminder that God is a good God but our struggles don’t end with just a verse. Its not so much as being compelled by the words of God but what it compels us to do. I know that I must pray more fervently and actively pursue the understanding that truly, the joy of the Lord is my strength. I know many of us are struggling but lets not dwell in it, lets take the initiative and support one another through prayer. And as crazy as it sounds, recent studies show that our burdens actually physically wear us down so not only does it affect us on the inside, its actually affecting us on the outside as well. So lets allow our burdens to be received by the Father and to the ones we love because its ultimately affecting us in ways we ourselves cannot control. Lets not fight the good fight alone and find comfort in our brothers and sisters. Anyways big prayer request for my sickness and that I may find peace in it and one for a fellow sister that she may find truth in Him. THANKS

LOL easily becoming one of my favorite actresses 

this year? next year??

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. “